After Robin's news, Howard walked over to SiriusXM's studio 2 to appear on Rosie O'Donnell's show – which was simulcast on Howard100 and SiriusXM Stars 102: "Lotta women around here. No men, huh?" Rosie laughed: "Just one. Pete." Pete said hi, but Howard was obviously out of his element: "You're making me nervous over here."

Howard congratulated on Rosie on her ability to leave programs – including both 'The View' as well as her own daytime chat show – when she felt done with them. Rosie said wasn't necessarily 'done' when she left the shows – it was that she'd made her 'goal' amount of money: "Once you hit that number, you're done." Howard continued: "And that was $100 million?" Rosie nodded: "That's right, buddy...as soon as I found out I had three-digit millions, I said to the money people, 'I never wanna see you again.'" Toward the end of their conversation, Rosie asked Howard if he'd asked the Howard100 News to hold off on the Artie story at first. Howard said he had, revealing in an aside that his most recent conversation with Artie had been short and awkward, as Artie wasn't on a private line--the facility he's in only has a public phone.

High Pitch Erik stopped by to explain how he'd been cut out of his mother's will, claiming: "I don't know why I was left out of the will. I really don't know why." Erik went on to claim his mother was very sick and weak – and, without explaining how it was related, said something about his sister getting him to sign something he didn't understand: "I was in Special Ed."

Howard asked if he was talking about the same sister who only let Erik come to her wedding as long as he promised not to appear on the show for six months. Erik dodged the question: "I took a break for a while. They said that to me a while ago." Howard noted that Erik's mother's will explicitly says that "Erik knows why" he was written out, but Erik denied it: "I don't know why and I'm telling you the truth about that."

HIGH PITCH WILL NEVER GO LOW PITCH

Asked why he'd never had the (relatively inexpensive) surgery to correct his embarrassingly-high voice, Erik shrugged: "Because if I got the operation for my voice, I wouldn't be High Pitch Erik and I wouldn't be on the show." Howard laughed that he was right. Erik's latest boss then came in to say he'd been a real asset to his construction business: "I actually fired someone Friday to keep him on." Erik's cousin also called in to say he didn't know why Erik had been cut out of the will either: "Honestly, I don't...but she was a really good woman."

Gary told Howard he'd been really excited for Sunday's Jets/Colts game: "Yesterday was like Christmas morning for me. I couldn't sleep."

Gary gave Peyton Manning most of the credit for the Colts win, citing Peyton' ability to call plays from the line – and pretty much coach the team himself – leading Howard to wish he'd had bosses at NBC as hands-off as the Colts head coach: "Sometimes the guy who knows not to tinker is the best guy."

JD CAN FIRE ANYONE ON STAFF

Howard asked for some clips from Friday's Haiti telethon, but JD didn't have them ready yet. Howard demanded that JD enlist Scott the Engineer to help him on clip-heavy days – and even gave JD the power to fire Scott if he didn't do what he needed. Howard even gave him more authority, adding Richard and Sal to the list: "And if they don't help you, fire them too. But you're not their boss. You're Scott's boss."

Howard encouraged JD to fire at will: "Go ahead, man. Enjoy your responsibility. This is a promotion." JD asked if the promotion came with a raise, but Howard said no: "It's just a title." But a very powerful title – with influence at the highest levels: "And if Gary can't help you, fire him. Come to me and I'll fire him."

Ozzy Osbourne stopped by to promote his new memoir, 'I Am Ozzy,' and Howard told him he'd never looked better. Ozzy responded that he's been watching his caloric intake: "I exercise a lot and I don't drink alcohol." Howard asked if Ozzy thought 'The Osbournes' reality show was a mistake, and Ozzy nodded ("Oh absolutely."), laughing that he got so used to strange people in his home during the show's taping, he once accidentally sent a group of Japanese tourists to Kelly's room: "It was an idea that went wildly out of control, you know."

OZZY'S TOUR STORIES

Howard went over the stories in Ozzy's book, including the time he had a conversation with Tommy Lee backstage – while a groupie was sucking Tommy off. Ozzy laughed: "He's got like a baby's arm with a boxing glove at the end of it...he's talking to me as if he's like [not sure what Ozzy said here]...I'm looking down there, like, 'What?' He should have a license for that." Ozzy said the Motley Crue guys were crazy: "It was 'The Wild Bunch.' They had no rules or anything...she [the groupie servicing Tommy] didn't seem to mind. She wasn't exactly putting up a fight...it was 'Caligula' on the road."

Ozzy went on to confirm several other stories in the book, including his inability to get erections, which he blamed anti-depressant medication, his exaggerated songwriting abilities ("I've never actually written a song...if there was a leader of Black Sabbath, it was Tommy [Iommi]. He's the one who wrote the riffs.") and time he turned down the opportunity to hang out with The Beach Boys' Brian Wilson: "I'd heard of the Beach Boys. I didn't know their names."

OZZY ON GROUPIES, PROSTITUTES
Richard came in to tell Ozzy he didn't get laid for 10 years when he toured with the heavy metal band Iced Earth, but Ozzy just laughed: "Where were you? Afghanistan?" Howard then referenced a story in about Ozzy’s record label sending him prostitutes, but Ozzy claimed it wasn't true: "No!" Howard laughed that it was in the book: "You might have to sue your book."

Howard got a second report – an unattributed 'note' – that Tim had left messes in the staff bathroom's toilet before. Tim stormed in screaming ("Are you insane?!") and stormed back out almost immediately. Will laughed that he'd witnessed the aftermath of Tim's bathroom destruction before: "It looked like a Jackson Pollock in there...it was like under the toilet seat. I don't even know how it got under there."

THE HUNT FOR THE PHANTOM SHITTER

Steve Langford said he was the one who discovered the "tiny little ball of excrement" and planned to investigate further. Later, after Ronnie the Limo Driver reviewed the security tapes, the suspects were narrowed down to "about 20" staffers. At first, Howard planned to give each suspect a lie detector test, but he later decided on another method of detection he refused to reveal.

BABA BOOEY GOES DUMPSTER DIVING

While talking about who might have left the “gift” on the bathroom floor, a Howard TV staffer also reported seeing Gary rummaging through empty pizza boxes in the garbage.

Gary disputed the claim, saying he saw a stack of boxes next to the garbage can and simply lifted the lid of one to see what was in them, adding that he had no intention of eating anything he found there. Never one to let such an opportunity pass him by, Sal grabbed his Booey mask and started rummaging through his garbage for lunch.